I asked everyone to send a little note to reflect a moment or to tell us about thei trip - so far I've received the following notes:

My editorial comments are in the <> brackets. (posted in the order received)

Hey Mike Great Time !
T.J. Jacobs
<No really, tell us how you feel>

Hey Mike, Just want to say thanks. This was my first
trip with sick and twisted, and I had a great time.
George Cois
<Thanks George, We here at Sick & Twisted HQ, get teary eyed when we read a letter like yours>

Hi , You outdid it again !!! Thanks for thinking of EVERYTHING!!! I told my brother what he missed and he was not happy!! ( plus he has to pay for it) Seriously Thanks so much for putting together such a diverse group and a very detail oriented trip. Rookie Rules!!
Lilia Irizarry
<Details, what details - you mean the charcoal ?? BTW, does anyone need charcoal, I got a few bags left. As for the "EVERYTHING" - um, that wasn't me who left extra "D" cells in your tent, but I'm sure you made good use of them - BTW, tents aren't sound proof, but the buzzing scared away the bears>

hey...
I had a blast! I can't wait to go down another river... Thanks a lot
for putting this together. I'd like to hear about future events.
thanks again!
Erik Swanson
<Hmmm, Future events - Howabout a party at Erik's house for Halloween, all 76 of my rafters are invited>

What a great trip!! You did a fantastic, A #1 - job! Thank you for everything! (By the way, what was with all the flashing on Saturday? Maybe next year there should be designated areas for the flashers? Just a thought.)
Carrie Heap
<We did have a designated area for flashers - didn't you read the "Welcome" note, It said "Please only show your genitalia if Carrie is within visual range, of course for some of our guys, that would be pretty close>

Thanks for organizing the event Mike. I had a great time. I especially
had a great time the first night. I wish I remembered more if it but
that's what you get when you kill a few too many brain cells. I'm up for
this and more again next year! Talk to you soon.
Mike D'Onofrio
<You may remember Mike as Thursday's "Drunk Guy" He was everybody's friend, of course on the river - He was the guy with his head in his hands all day>

Great trip Mike,
All I can say is the rafters had better watch out next year, because I
predict that the Ducky Wolf Pack is going to be ten times larger next year
and we'll be packing some serious fire power.
As you can image, my highlight is the little hookup with the reigning Ms.
Yough
Tom Derenge
<"Ducky Wolf Pack" sounds kinda like a kids cartoon lunchbox, but maybe the flock will grow. As for Ms. Yough (I thought it was "Ms. Ohiopyle") I can't imaging how you pulled that off - especially with all the hot, intelligent, Ohiopyle hunks, she has to chose from>




Hmmm - where to begin.
The obvious way is: of course the ass-off. If you need specifics in
that category I would have to comment that I am AMAZED that every guy (except you) that walked up to the event, didn't know what it was, yet
joined the line without questioning it, and had no qualms about the laying of hands process. Is this a great group of people or what?! I am actually amazed that the women felt the need to declare a winner. There were such amazing entries that I don't think a winner could be decided. My opinion is that the contest was a bit biased, since one of the main purposes of it was to keep Todd and Jimmy from leaving (so they HAD to win.) Although feedback was that their entries were blue-ribbon worthy (I was the designated photographer remember, so I wouldn't know.) Another important happening within the event was Evil's subtle surprise touch entry for Liz Carol. It was early in the contest, only about 5 guys, and poor Liz was undertaking her duties as a judge very seriously. She was moving from ass to ass, and Evil slipped his pants down without her noticing, so when she reached him and touched flesh she jumped as if she touched burning metal. It was too funny (too evil.) Of course things deteriorated quickly after that. The sight of you with a flare up your ass was pretty unforgettable. As was the sight of Todd, pants-less doing the Olympic torch run with it (hmmmm he was holding the same handle that had been up your ass?) During "The Todd show" he did some cool back flips off stumps (no hands) - not the stump we burned...another one. And he tried to teach Janet to flip, but she couldn't quite move past a cartwheel. (And you all thought we were just sitting by the fire up there in the woods huh!) Ummm - oh yea - Fletch walking around at 7am yelling "Todd" "Todd" "Todd" " I know you're in one of these damn tents" "Todd." Now I think Fletch has a dreamy voice, but bellowing at 7 am?! Not! The 5:30 am social called Sat am? Is that the latest on record? An addition to my personal album of most embarassing moments - while trying to beat Oscar's entry in the spit into the fire contest, I managed to spit all over Marykay! I had 'em all rolling on the ground. The really sad part is that I really WAS aiming for the fire! And in summary - my brother (Sean) called me today to thank me for the trip, he said it's the best b-day he's had, and that he's never met or
heard of such a great group of people before, "you meet them and in
one-hour feel totally comfortable and have so much fun." Prior to the
trip I think he feared he and Steve wouldn't quite fit-in, so they were
both pleasantly surprised. I know this is not new info (you know it's a
great group) - but it was nice to hear and I wanted to pass it on.
I had a great time, I know Marykay did too (Sean and Steve too.) You do
so much work for this thing - and we all REALLY appreciate it. Thank you very much!!!!!
Alicia Leary
<FIRST - I want to say that I did not have a flare UP my ass, My intensely powerful gluteus maximus muscles had firmly clamped the flare between my butt checks - with my pants on. This is the main reason I did not join in the Ass-Off (Which I'm sure it will be lovingly titled) because with a grotesquely overdeveloped butt like mine, I'd have been certain to win>


Michael
Just wanted you to know you did a great job organizing the rafting trip! I
had a great time :) Thank You, Can't wait for the next excursion...
Michele Coyle
<Michelle, sent this via an Email Greeting Card, that started playing music, so my boss came over to look at my monitor and then chewed me out for 20 minutes because I had already wasted countless hours at work before the trip, and now, I was wasting even more - and the trip was over !!! BTW, thanks boss for all the paper and photocopier use>

Mike,
Liz and I had a great time -- the weather worked out great, the rafting was a blast, and all the people were pretty cool. Thanks again for all the work you did setting up. If you ever plan on coming up to the Philly area, let me know.
Pete & Liz
<Yeah, I had to place that weather order 2 months in advance, and it showed up at the last minute, but thats what happens when you get things sent via U.S. Mail>

Mike -
Well, I had fun the weekend in NC but had no idea that this group was so
fun-- we worked on re-establishing so-called normal behavior on the way
home in the car. Luckily we had 4 and 1/2 hours!!! Did look twice at
the butts of the guys in the McDonalds where we stopped and wondered where they would have fit into the competition. Monday at work - I surveyed various women co-workers and tried to determine who would have been willing to serve as a judge.... and who wouldn't have gotten it. Guys just kept coming over the bridge and showing their butts- - it was amazing. and then there was the simultaneous stump burning.... I especially enjoyed seeing Liz (judge) jump when she went for Evil Pete's butt and he had dropped trow (sp?) - you'd think she touched his wiener or something My favorite episode of the Todd Show was when he ran around the campsite with the Olympic torch and his pants down.
Alicia spit on me - that can go in your digest - she spit much better than
Oscar - and it went straight across the fire and landed on my leg. I
evened things out since later she evidently kneeled in my barf.
I'm sure you are getting many funnier things - I can think of some that I
would rather the perpetrators told you about. Ask Todd and Christy (liz's
friend about the string for the volley ball net. Ask Alicia about what happened when she was the only person to go for the high side maneuver - when we didn't hit the rock. At any rate - I had a great , great time and was energized being around such a friendly, joyous (albeit heavily drinking) group. Thanks for organizing and hope I can do something else with you guys soon.
Sincerely,
MaryKay Mills
<WOW, We will actually have to stop calling Todd "Todd" and start referring to him as "The Todd Show." Which, btw, a whole episode was caught on video by Laura, including "Bulldog" and the now famous "Swatch Watch"(tm). I do want to say that I'm glad that I missed 90% of the Ass-off. Don't worry Mary Kay, you weren't the only Virgin to puke>


Hello Mike,
You might want to include a "lost and found" section in an upcoming email so folks can reclaim items left behind. I brought back with me a foot
pump left at our campsites fire pit and a tarp near a second tent I was
airing out. Also, I know that there were two white metal frame/orange
canvas folding chairs that Pete, Betty, or company may have taken back
with them as my car was packed full. See ya,
Phil Bender
<Thanks for the heads-up Phil, Please contact me if your missing your chairs or blow-up doll pump>

Here's a list of quickies. Use whatcha' want.
1) Michelle and Will Mumford had a tent that had been in storage for like 10 years that stunk exactly like cow shit so we called them Mr. and Mrs.
Stink. Do they get to keep that nickname or what?
2) Angie was gingerly holding a hot dog before placing it on the grill, and
Mary commented that she was holding it a little weird, when Angie
replied, "I've been taught to fear all things shaped like this."
3) We were walking down to the 'put in' site, and Michelle Mumford said, "My breasts are suffocating in this vest." Angry Boy promptly replied, "I'll give them mouth to mouth!"
4) After incessant mocking of Gary and Tammy's small 'love tent', Saturday morning Gary acted like he was "being born" out of the tiny zippered oraffice. Kinda like Ace Ventura being born out of the Rhino's ass.
5) Gary and Todd and Tammy and others were sitting around the camp fire and 'Brick House' was playing on the boom box. Nasty called Gary or Todd a "Brick Spouse" and Tammy says, "So, I guess I'm the lucky Brick Layer?"
6) After her tumbling river spill, Jaime modelled her black and blue "Body
Art". Rookie quickly added eyes, feet, and yes, EARS, and turned her largest bruise into a turtle - a true masterpiece, but Rookie: TURTLES DON'T HAVE PIG EARS !!!
7) Lilia, at her drunkest, plopped down in a cammo director's chair and the
material broke, lodging her ass firmly in the metal frame. She couldn't get out (half stuck, half laughing too hard). From then on only sat in Jim's lap because nothing else seemed safe enough.
8) Tammy constantly threatened to fall into the water whenever the cute
kayak guy was around so that he could rescue her. "Help! Help! Mr Guide with the big muscles ... I've fallen in again!"
9) Mary McKaig pulled Will in the boat - right on top of her like the
instructor said, but it ended up looking more like 'head-in-crotch' scene from Romancing The Stone. Will wanted to jump overboard and try again!
<Not sure who sent the above, because of the way the CC's and address was set up, but I missed most of them - thanks for sharing. As for #6 - Cartoon turtles DO have ears !>

Hey Mike
Even though I was a SNT trip virgin, I still had somewhat of an idea of
what to expect since I worked for ski tour operators in the past. I was,
however a bit surprised when I was drafted as a judge for the Best Buns
Contest ( I know, I know, A tough job !! But somebody had to do it !!) The contest was progressing nicely and growing too !! ( where all the new contestants came from I'll never know !!!) I proceeded down the line,
trying to be an impartial judge when I came to Pete. Unknown to me,(
mostly because of the lack of light in the campsite ) Pete had very
stealthily lowered his pants !! Needless to say, I was caught completely
off guard and the contest had to be temporarily stopped until I stopped
laughing !!!! I guess I know now how Evil Pete got his nickname !!!
Liz Carroll
<As a S&T Veteran now, you'll learn that seeing Pete's ass is as common as seeing the Todd Show>
I would like to tell a story about my boyfriend Michael who on Saturday
morning decided that he was going to brush his teeth. After putting the paste on his toothbrush, he turns to me with a horrified look and a tube of Monistat 7 in his hand .
IF YOU USE THIS STORY, I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!! :> (was funny though)
Christine Stanley
<Opps, how did this get here. That's one way to fresh breath>

Don't forget about the "bruise artwork" <Michael> you created on my thigh (apparently a "Muppet" turtle since they have ears..we got a picture). Also, Lew and I were the first one in the drink at the very first rapid (Cucumber Rock?)and I think exercised extremely good sportsmanship by continuing the trip cheerfully without incident.
Jaime Fuller
<See, I told you - some turtles have ears !>

As the newly nominated ACO,
I want to thank everyone for a successful drinking weekend.
Next year, More Bloodies and Margarita's for EVERYONE!
You need a story? I don't know. The duckie wolfpack, under the direction of Captain Tom "Seduce the Guides" Derenge I think next year will be a water gun team to be reckoned with! I would also like to comment that I felt cheated during the "Far Fire Butt Off" because I was not sleeping with any of the judges (but then again, what does that say about Big Tom, who WAS and still didn't win?) One story that I think needs to be repeated (not from our trip, but one that Carol told) was one time when Carol fell out of her raft and was picked up by another raft. The guy who lifted her out of the water asked his raft: "Is she a keeper?" they said no, so he threw her back in the water 8-) I'll happily host as many scanned in pictures as people have from the trip. Send up to me!!! Mail to: Gunney@Gunney.com
Matt "Chef" Martelli
<Geez, you know this guys joining a 12 step program someday, judging success on how we drank - Hey Matt, was Mary Kay a successful drinker ? As ACO, I need you to define "Successful drinking." I mean, to me, it's: I drink - I pee - mission complete>

I'm thinking, I'm thinking... BTW thanks we had a
great time - I knew it was a good group when we pulled
up at 1:30 in the morning and instead of snoring heard
"SOCIALLLLLLL" OK quick story - at one point in the
rafting trip some random woman (I'm terrible with
names) jumped from another raft into ours claiming she
was trying to get back to her boat. The boat she got
out of then worked their way closer to ours and
proceeded to "kidnap" me. Again terrible with names
and it actually wasn't until the potluck that I was
introduced to some of them (they had asked me my name
as they dragged me into the boat and surprised me
everytime I turned around to hear someone say my
name). There was an Asian girl, her brother, her very
tall husband w/ blond hair, another couple and another
girl w/ dark hair and an accent. They were
wonderfully nice and treated me well in captivity
(until I made a break for it at lunch).
<Sounds like you were captured by the Evil Yasuda Gang, known for kidnapping people in the mountains of Pennsylvania and making them, squeal like a pig - did they tell you "you had a purdy mouth?">




I told all my embarrassing stories round the fire, hopefully you guys were
too drunk to remember them :) Later
Carol Greenwood
<That was weak, I guess we'll have to throw her back>

Well - I know the story about the volleyball net. Friday night, I was
walking back from the bathroom (somewhat intoxicated) and the string for
the volleyball lines caught on my foot. I pulled it off and just threw it
down over near the cars (I had no idea what it was and quite frankly
thought it was a nuisance) . Well, evidently later that night Todd and
Christy were over near the cars and needed some string to tie onto the
glow sticks to do their flinging thing. They thought it was synchronicity
or something (or at least serendipity) that there was this nice string
right there so they cut a section out of it. Everyone at far-fire knew
about this because I told the story about something caught on my foot and then they said they had cut it. Well- when Gary and his wife (I'm sorry I killed so many cells but I cant' remember her name right now) tried to put up the net they were a little pissed about he section of string being missing. They thought their friends who they had lent the equipment to had done it and were really cheesed at them - I heard them saying how mad they were (as did Todd's "brother," Jimmy) and when I/we told Todd and Christy-- they went over and fessed up. Didn't want Gary et. al to be angry at their friends. I don't know how well the Garys took it but I felt the apologizing was the thing to do. my version of the string story.
MaryKay Mills
<Thanks for filling me in, I thought "The string story" involving The Todd Show and Christy would be a little more kinky, but I'm glad the true spirit of S&T shined thru were honesty and friendship ruled the day>

Well, being the athlete that I am, my "swimmer's shoulder" decided to act
up thus disabling me from paddling. However, I was undaunted by this
useless limb, and still forged ahead, with an icepack, despite a tad of
anxiety and landed on the "luxury raft" as Bill, called it. I continued to
encourage the groups, even passing on my water bottle to the thirsty. My sacrifice enabled the rest of my raft to paddle ahead, without malice, and not get stuck so often on the rocks! I had a blast, am glad I came and
equally glad I got to finish the ride. Thanks!
~~ Anyes Z. ~~
<Gee Anyes, Couldn't have shared your water with me - I drank that river crap and got the squirts>

There were a number of us (me, Michelle & Will Mumford, maybe Mark
Woodard, I don't remember everyone who was there) sitting around the fire where our tents were. A few of us were making s'mores. In the middle of making maybe her 3rd or 4th s'more (maybe it was more than that), Michelle Mumford just looks over at me and says, "I'm going to eat until I puke." I thought it was funny because she had this serious look on her face like she really wanted to eat until she puked. Anyway, use it if you want to....feel free to edit or embelish as you see fit.
Mary McKaig
<How could I possible embellish a story like that ? Unless I said "And she puked all over the fire causing a horrible burnt entrails smell that ...... >

<We've heard Mary Kay's version, but this one is soooo well done....>
Saturday afternoon, sitting on the picnic table below the lodge, Gary finds it hard to believe the tale he is hearing. All day he was thinking how irresponsible people could be when borrowing things, thinking people lie. Now he is hearing the truth.
While dancing under the moonlight to the gyrations of Bootie Call, Todd decides to create a psychedelic wonderland with the glow sticks that have been entrusted to him. Knowing the perfect location is just beyond the edge of the woods where the low hanging branches will engulf his own world, he slinks forward to start his journey. After stopping momentarily beyond the first tree line and kneeling to strategize, he determines the need for a glow stick extension. He continues his journey by stalking the campground, knowing somewhere, somehow, the desired extension is to be found. He prays to find it soon. The excitement of this imagined wonderland makes his heart throb. Low and behold, as if a gift from heaven, he trips over a ball of twine. As the hazed moon lights up the field next to his truck, he tries to find the end of God’s gift, thinking it was used for marking off the road. Not knowing its endurance, he tests his strength. Unable to tear it apart, yet needing 8 – 9 feet of this nylon, he searches for the perfect tool. He searches for something sharp, something to penetrate its tautness. Feeling his pants (as he often does) he finds the closest sharp object --- his keys. Using the keys, he again tries to tear through its toughness. Failing once more, he tries a more drastic and desperate approach. Using his keys, he unlocks and searches all the toolboxes on his truck. Alas, he finds some huge shears. Measuring the twine using the lengths of his arms, again, unable to find the end, he chops it in two places. He then places the shears back into the truck, locks them securely and continues his journey.
As he continues to the darkness of the woods, feeling fearless against the fierce wildlife at large, he finds a path to the point of no return. After walking slowly in the darkness, the path turns to grass, which then turns to nowhere. Turning left, practically crawling up a brush covered hill, he finds the perfect spot. As his imagination goes wild, he begins to pant as he attaches the twine to the end of his glow stick. Again, with the burning need of something sharp, he grasps his keys and punctures the end of his stick. He becomes hotter and hotter as the color begins oozing out. Now he goes wild. As he closes his eyes, his spins in his cave shaped wonderland, spewing the neon color up and down; over his skin wet with sweat; over the ground and tree trunks; over the leaf covering; his heart pounding….. As if a miracle occurred, he opens his eyes and spins, arms in the air. The cave is lit up, just as expected. He draws pictures on his skin and marks up his shirt. Then he drops to the ground and baths in the splendor of his imagination.
An endless amount of time passes ……..
As the sun rises Saturday morning, the S & T natives begin to stir. Sitting around the campfire whose smoke is rising high in the sky, they trade tales of the night before. The distant sounds of games begin to unfold. As the discussions turn from dancing to drinking to walking and trips to the relief lodge, Mary Kay divulges her adventure of being wrapping in an endless body of rope. As she continues her tale, Cristi jumps out of her chair and stares from Mary Kay to Todd in disbelief. At about that time, Jim returns from the relief lodge explaining how Gary is blaming friends for not being honest about damaging the volleyball net they had borrowed the day before; how the border line was damaged and how no one had an explanation. At this time, Todd’s eyes light up in disbelief looking at Cristi. Simultaneously, Mary Kay looks at Cristi who is saying to Todd, “Don’t even go there.” Mary Kay sighs, “Oh no!”
Todd searches for Gary who is no where to be found. Tracking him down, Todd sits Gary at the picnic table to unfold the truth.
Christine Dunkle
<Whew, that chick has a way with the written word - She makes the typical story of the Todd Show screwing up Gary's property (pretty common - see Rookie) seem like a magical children's tale that should include a Pooh or a Pokey Little Puppy>


I was in the Pizza Hut Parking lot with Donna, Dana, Carrie, and some others when Dana somehow split her pants and her ass was hanging almost completely out to one side. She kept bending over showing it to us and we all found it quite amusing, unfortunately for the family with small children sitting by the window in the Pizza Hut, some crazy drunk chick flashing her butt wasn't the dinner sight they had planned on. He also added that going under Dimple Rock, was not fun - but better than slamming into Dimple Rock.
Matt Burton
<Matt told me this over the phone so it was a little paraphrased, but I'm sure it was a sight to see - I wonder why she didn't come back to the campgrounds and show the rest of us?>

It was Thursday night and I was walking in the campgrounds when a big
brown bear showed up in front of me. My instinct to save and protect the
rest of the S&T kicked in and I fearlessly grabbed a log and started
pounding the beast. The bear was angry my friends.... After a long struggle the bear realized that there was no chance to beat me and run away. I was beaten mercilessly but it was all worth it...
Alright, alright, the real story:
Rum and Coke, walking in the dark without a flashlight, tree
stump, looking back at a group calling a SOCIAL...the rest is
history...
George Dimitoglou
<George, bears the scar to prove it, sorry bad pun. I must confess that we shouldn't have called that social out in Colorado that time, Kennedy turned to raise his glass and WOOMP right into that tree. - We have to be more careful with our outdoor socials in the future>

<I ran into Mike Paoletta Friday, unfortunately he was too impaired to remember much about the rafting trip, but he did remember sticking his finger into Dana's hole, in her pants. Presumably when she returned from her Pizza Hut show>

End Rafter Stories

I didn't hear from a lot of rafters, I can only assume that they are so depressed that the trip is over that they are sitting in a darkened room with the stainless barrel of a large caliber handgun pressed to the top of their mouth. DON'T DO IT ! We'll do another trip next year.

Thanks for coming and being part of my Sick little family. I'll be sending out little bulletins every now and then so look for them, if you want to get on the Official S&T List, see directions below - you'll hear about various crap and upcoming events, along with births, movies and quantum theory (this weeks odd topic)

Thanks again,
Mike (aka Rookie)